and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
