No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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