You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
