No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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