I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
