do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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