So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
