If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
