Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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