Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
