you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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