they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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