We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
