Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
