P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
this is an emotional support booty call
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
