chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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