sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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