I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
