there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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