got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
