you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
