omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I want a musical about memes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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