he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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