I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
