whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize