Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize