dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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