hell yes lets make some ravioli
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
3 2 1 whiskey
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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