No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
