if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
