We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
