I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Houston, we have a squirter
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
