I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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