I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you never un-have a 4some
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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