Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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