I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
