I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
