definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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