just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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