Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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