It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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