Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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