She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
