she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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