This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize