my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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