Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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