well I can't set my house on fire every night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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