He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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