Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
