You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize