One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
