in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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