Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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