Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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