Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
