Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
