I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
