4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize