I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He did a backflip because drugs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
