God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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