every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
