At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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